


Numb

by Lananiuska



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 09:04:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20757842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lananiuska/pseuds/Lananiuska
Summary: When she is at her lowest, he reaches forward.





	Numb

**Author's Note:**

> This one shot is for the IBOQ2019 and it's based on an amazing art by EQChemistry (on twitter) that she made out of episode 4x15 – of Once Upon a Time. You can find it here: https://t.co/Wo7cbvVd38

The water has turned cold but she still remained submerged in it, staring up to the ceiling as dancing shadows in all forms and shapes surrounded her. She didn't mind any of that, not the darkness or the sepulchral silence that surrounded her and definitely not the cold.

Actually… cold was her new code of life and she has learned to embrace it.

It was funny in a way… to think how a heart burns and burns and then suddenly turns to ice… because no, this coldness that now wanted to swallow her whole hasn't always been with her. It hadn't always been like this, she hadn't always been like this and just like the water that now filled the porcelain tub, she had once been brimming warmth.

Once, but not anymore. The fire in her had extinguished the day her heart died.

Sighing as a way to distract her thoughts, the dark-haired woman casted her heavy lidded eyes down, forcing them not to shut themselves.

It was hard though and she tried to focus, noticing that through the chiaroscuro of the room she could see her body underneath the still water. It looked like an illusion, totally surreal, because the skin that was not covered by her underwear seemed too pale to her own eyes, almost translucent.

The image was hypnotizing, and for some reason that made her mind derail once again..

Would he notice that she hadn't been out of her house in days… would he even care?

Her breathing had slowed down to a point where it was almost imperceptible and she wondered what would happen if it just ceased. And by God, she wanted it to cease, she wanted the pain to go away so that her soul could be free once again, perhaps once last time…

If only… she knew there was no last chance her so why even bother to hope.

Hope was not for people like her anyway, because villains didn't have happy endings.

Snorting, Regina brought her right hand out of the water and ran her forefinger through the smooth edge of the tub until it reached the flat surface where a small crystal clear bottle lay open; it was a sleeping potion and she has made it out of an impulse that morning.

Blinking slowly, she took it in her hand to take yet another look at it and then she shook it, half expecting the sound of the liquid against the crystal to break the silence of the room. No sound came out of it as the bottle was empty; she had emptied it earlier that night.

She put the bottle back down, her fingers slid a bit further on and when they came upon her cell phone she gave it a slight nudge before drawing back in a hurry. When she drowned her hand back underneath the water a few drops splashed against her face and she closed her eyes.

She was so tired.

She breathed in and rested her head against the edge of the tub. No, she must not call him, she has told her so. She remembered as if it were happening in that same moment. She remembered everything; every detail, every world he had said and the ones she had left unspoken… every feeling brushed away. How could she ever forget, the scene had been replaying in her mind for what, three months?

She chuckled dryly. Three months, one week and five days to be precise. That had been when the world began to crumble all around her, today has been when it finally fell apart.

She didn't blame him, he has been right to call it off; they were doomed to fail since the very beginning. She had always known it would come sooner rather than later because theirs was a forbidden union, it wasn't meant to be. She knew all that, but it still hurt, it hurt today more than ever.

Opening her eyes, she lifted her hand again and grabbed the mobile. She has turned it off to be left undisturbed but now she brought it to life with a single touch.

Once it was on she dialed his number and waited for a response. It would be for a quick moment, just to hear his voice…

She sighed as she waited, she shouldn't be doing this to herself, she was in a frail state of mind and she wouldn't be able to take his rejection. It would be too much.

What had become of her? She had been reduced to a pile of nothingness, she was broken, alone and losing her mind. She was not even the shadow of the woman she had once been, and now she had nothing to hold on to.

The phone stopped it's ringing and for a moment she thought he had cut her off even before she could even register he had picked up the call.

Then she heard him sigh.

"Robin?" Her voice came out pathetically low and broken, she could feel a lump forming down her throat.

"Regina?" He responded and she bit hard on her trembling lips.

She didn't want to cry, she had never cried in front of him or even by the phone and she didn't want what could be their last conversation to be spoiled by her lack of self control.

But as she heard his voice it all came back to her, the pain resurfacing all over again until she couldn't hold it back any longer. She needed him more than ever, if only to offer her a sense of comfort, listening to him could give her just that.

Her eyes were clouded with tears and she could feel a few ones already tracing a warm path down her cheeks, it was inevitable. She covered her mouth to suppress the sobs that wanted to come out, but they did anyways, the force of them making her body rock.

"Hey, what is it?" He asked in worry and it just made her cry the hardest, she just couldn't respond. "Talk to me, love…"

She wanted to tell him, he was the only one who would understand, but every time she opened her mouth to utter a response another sob would come out, making her unable to talk.

"Regina… please talk to me"

She should hang up; calling him had been a stupid idea that had only managed to worry him. He had his own life to tend to, his own family to worry about. She was not a part of that life, perhaps she had never been. But she couldn't hang up, it was egoistical of her part but she wanted her heart to content itself by hearing that voice a little longer, it could give her the force she needed to hold on.

"Is it Henry?"

She wiped at her face, he had always been able to read her. "She took him, she took my son away…" She sobbed into the phone as more tears streamed down her face.

"What do you mean she took them? He asked in a severe tone.

She took a deep breath to try and calm herself. "I… don't now." She was only greeted by silence. "She said it was the best for him… to be away and she just took him, didn't even let me say goodbye."

Now, when Robin's wife came back and surprised everyone by not being dead as they had believed, Robin has obviously cut things with her and left her in a limbo. It has been hard, but Regina at least had her son to hold onto, he was everything she has left and now Emma took him away from her.

The so called savior totally blindsided her, she took him off on a getaway trip just to call her from only God knew where to tell her they were not coming back.

According to Emma, she was too unstable and volatile and that was something Henry didn't need.

Sure, she has tried to call her back to plead her case but her phone was disconnected. Her parents knew nothing about her and neither did her friends. She just disappeared.

"Where are you?"

Her tears were starting to dry in her face as a sense of calmness began to evolve her. She hugged her knees up to her chest, the water caressing softly her flesh as she moved. "Do you remember that first time we kissed?"

"Are you at your place?" There was urgency on his voice.

"I still remember…" She closed her eyes as her mind traveled back to the day that changed her life. She rested her head back against the tub, her lips curved into a slight smile.

"Just tell me where you are." He insisted.

"We were happy, weren't we?" She asked and waited. "I know I was."

He didn't respond but she knew he was still there, she could hear his soft breathing. "We were."

She smiled once again. "But I came too late into your life…" She breathed in and for a while the two of them remained in silence. This was something she often liked to mortify her brain with, the infamous what ifs game. It was pointless, as there was no possible way of changing the past. You could only work on your present and wait to see what the future would bring. Right now her future looked dubious.

"Robin…" She whispered into the phone. "I love you, I never got the chance to say it to you." Oh, but she had her chance, and lots of them, she just never found the courage to say it. "I just wanted you to know that."

"Regina… let me go to you, just too see that you are ok"

She sniffed. "I'll be fine… I just… I have to go." She took the phone out of her ear and turned it off. She let the mobile drop to the floor as her limp hand hung out the tub…

For a few minutes, maybe even hours, she couldn't really tell, she refrained from any movement; she might have even dozed off. But when she came back from her reverie she submerged her head under the surface, letting the cold water take her whole.

She shouldn't have called him… she didn't want to drag him down with her. He was a good man and he deserved to be happy with his wife and their boy, she was just not worth the trouble. At least she could take solace in his happiness.

As she mused about that, out of nowhere something grabbed her by the shoulders and she panicked, she opened her mouth to yell and only managed to swallow a mouthful of water.

Whatever or whoever had taken hold of her pulled her to the surface as she coughed her way out.

"What the hell are you doing?"

She wiped the water out of her eyes and came face to face with none other than Robin of Locksley himself. He was still holding her in a tight grip and his eyes were angrily delving into hers.

"What are you doing here?" She asked in awe. How had he even entered into her house?

But he had questions of his own too. "What is this?" He asked in a hiss as he eased his hold on her to reach out for the bottle. "What was in here?"

She looked down to the bottle and then back to his face.

"Bloody hell, Regina, answer me." He said a bit too harshly as he dropped the bottle into the tub and grabbed her again to give her a slight shake. "What have you done?"

She shook her head in denial. "Nothing… I just…" He didn't let her finish as one of his hands went up to her face, with his thumb he stretched down the skin below her eye as he inspected her. "What are you doing?"

"The bottle was empty, and I want to know what was in there." He hissed still searching into her eyes.

She knew why he was asking, he knew there has been some kind of potion in there and that she just swallowed it.

It was ridiculous, of course, because her sleeping potions had an immediate effect and if she would have drink it, she would have been deep into an eternal slumber already.

Now yes, she couldn't deny that the idea has danced through her mind, that's why she has made the potion, but as it happened, she just couldn't do it. An eternal sleep was so… final; so at the end of it she just emptied the bottle into the sink.

Remembering that little fact, she pointed to the sink and being the incredulous human being that he was he went to check for himself.

When he was satisfied with seeing the traces of the potion on the sink he walked back to the tub and grabbed her by the waist to put her up on her feet. Then we hugged her to his chest.

The brunette closed her eyes, already feeling them watering. Having him so close, and yet so far made her heart ache in yearning. He probably didn't know what he was doing to her, because if he knew he wouldn't even be here.

"I'm soaking you all over." She whispered in protest but he just held her closer, his warm lips pressing against her forehead.

She swallowed down a lump and clutched at his already wet shirt, afraid that if she even attempted to put her arms around him she wouldn't be able to let go.

Then again, maybe it was already too late.

She has been able to hold her composure as he held her onto him, but when he cupped her face into his hands and brought his lips down to hers she knew she was doomed, there was no turning back from her, and as he kissed her and she kissed him she wished everything would be as it was before, when it was only the two of the, Henry and his boy, Roland.

But no… reality had a way to cheapen things and too soon he pulled away. "Did you call anyone?" He asked wiping with his thumb the tears that had slipped down her cheeks.

She snorted, the sound coming off between being bitter and completely broken because really, who else there was to call? She had no one, so she shook her head. "Just you… well I called Mary Margaret to see if she knew something and she said she was going to call me back as soon as she knew anything. I also checked all over town, asking, no one seems to know."

"How about the sheriff?"

Her eyes blinked slowly, one time… then two as if she was considering the question. "Robin, the sheriff is Emma's father so do you really think he'll do anything? Besides she apparently skipped town so… I lost him."

"Then let's called the police, she kidnapped him."

"She's his mother."

"Not legally."

She sniffed and snuggled against him. "What if she's right? What if he is better off away, I'm a mess Robin… and he deserves better than me." Just like Robin and Roland… everyone deserved better.

"Don't you ever say that, you hear me? I don't like listening to you talking that way. You're an amazing woman with a heart of gold, even when you don't even see it… you deserve all the good thing in this world… all of them."

Regina pulled away from him and smiled meekly; her sweet Robin, always seeing the best in her. It made her feel awful that she made him worry so much.

"I'm not going to hurt myself… or anything. I got into a funk but I'll be fine so you don't have to worry about me."

"Regina, I'm always going to worry about you." He brushed her hair behind her ear before reaching for a towel to wrap around her body. "And I'll stay with you at least until you have any kind of news, ok?"

She nodded and climbed out of the tub. "Ok… just let me change." He gave her a nod of his own and left her alone in the bathroom for some privacy, as if he had never seen her naked.

She stripped off her soaked underwear, dried the moist out of her hair with a towel and put on some decent clothes before walking out.

He was standing next to the window and when he felt her approach he turned to her. He had discarded his soaked shirt over the nightstand and his arms were folded against his chest. "You should try to get some rest"

She has tried it, it was useless, but for his sake she agreed. "Just if you come with me… just to hold me." she clarified. He was here as a friend, a much needed one and she wasn't going to jeopardize that.

He kissed her on the forehead and together they climbed onto the bed. They had shared many clandestine nights in rooms like this one, holding onto each other as they waited for reality to kick in.

She missed that, she missed him. It was comforting that although too many nights had passed without him he still felt the same. She rested her cheek against his bare chest and he pulled her closer to him as she took a deep breath, taking in his clean scent.

The beating of his heart and his hand running through her hair soothed her, he was her lullaby. She rested a hand against his stomach, watching as it rose with his breathing.

"How are things at home?" She asked, hoping they were fine and dreading it at the same time. The return of his wife was a theme she has avoided thinking about like the pest, but now that so much time has passed she dared to ask.

He maintained his silence for a while and then replied. "Not so good." More silence. "I'm trying to fix things; I'm really trying but…" He sighed; his hand went from running through her hair to caressing her back. "…she's just not you"

Her heart skipped a bit and she couldn't move a muscle even if her life depended on it.

She bit hard on her lips, she didn't know if she should cry or smile, and she felt bad that while her son was missing her mind insisted on dwelling on him.

She lifted her face just enough to look into his eyes and what she saw there left her breathless. Those eyes that she loved to death said so much, held so much…

He traced the outline of her face with his finger, his touch leaving a path of fire that burnt straight to her soul. It stopped at her bottom lip. "I shouldn't have walked from this… from you…"

"What do you mean?"

"It means that I can't move on from this, and that things with Marian are not working because I'm in love with someone else."

Her lips parted and she sucked in a breath, half afraid, half giddy."

"I know this is not the time to say this, but Regina I…"

He was just beginning to say that when a knock at the door interrupted him. They both stared at the corridor that lead outside her bedroom for a while until a second knocking took them back to reality.

Henry, she thought as she hurried to her feet to run downstairs and straight to the door, and when she opened it and found Mary Margaret looking at her with her big doe eyes as Henry leaned against her, his eyes barely open as he yawned, she let out a broken sob.

"He's quite sleepy." The other woman said as Regina moved forward, grabbing the boy's face and kissing him all over. His cheeks, the top of his head, his forehead…

"Mom!" The boy complained but he circled her neck with his arms.

"Oh Baby I missed you so much." She held the boy tighter and then went to inspect him all over, he seemed fine. "Are you okay… is he okay?" She looked up Snow, who seemed more interested in the man behind her that on what she was saying.

"He's fine." She responded but refrained from saying more.

"I guess it's time for me to leave." Robin said from behind her and she turned to him. She saw that he had put on his shirt and that it was still wet.

"No." She said as Snow gave her one of her 'what in the blue hell is going on here' looks, she was beyond caring because she and Robin apparently needed to do some talking. "Stay."

"I'm going to bed." Henry said, walking pass her. He made a quick stop when he reached Robin to give him half a hug and then he disappeared upstairs.

Robin smiled once the boy was gone. "No, you have a lot to talk with Mary Margaret, I believe." He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "I'll call you tomorrow morning." He walked past her. "Snow…" He nodded to her and then he was gone.

"Regina…?"

The former Queen shook her head as her stepdaughter walked into the house. Robin was right, she needed a talk with Snow, she wanted to know where had she found Henry and she wanted to talk about what Emma just did; but for a while she just stood there at the doorframe, looking as Robin walked down the street, his head turning to her as moved amidst the street.

Tomorrow. She liked that word, tomorrow morning sounded even better. It was a good time to start picking the pieces of her broken life… Yes, tomorrow.

~*FIN*~


End file.
